Healthy, whole and well aren’t a myth for those people who experience emotional pain ~ they are a chosen reality. Today I made a resolution to no longer let the absence of something color my day…not a person, a feeling, a need...nada. I chose to be whole no matter my circumstances. I chose to be balanced in the good and bad times, abased or abound, in want or in plenty to quote the Apostle Paul. I think that I’m going to reign in and change my demographic some…friends have a lot of sway in my life. Still, as I ran my five miles and worked out until it hurt, I couldn’t help but realize that I’m still not going toward my goal: I am still leaving him behind. That isn’t right. To become mentally and physically fit I need to own it, to be the center of it, to have a passion for not only the time I have left in my life but the quality of everything that it can mean, regardless of how many months or years that is.
The thing that keeps coming back to center for me is the need to be grounded and whole within myself, to “walk tall” as a female in this world without abdicating my power or grace to another like a needy individual. I won’t bend to disease; I am not going to let grief steal my joy either. I didn’t absolve myself of responsibility for being whole, happy and well when I fell in love…and that same thing is true today. It’s okay to need people…but not when it bankrupts your self esteem. Not when you’re constantly begging for attention. That is just demeaning. Marilyn Monroe once said “If you don’t love me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” I love that idea, the resonance behind it. We get knocked out from time to time, but you have to find your way to your feet, to meet the need within yourself and be well ~ being you.
You and I might consider what that type of “need” is…is it healthy? Is it based in reality? Are you’re conversations mutual or conflicting to reality? If you’re in a conversation with a person solo, it’s not healthy. I need to surround myself with true believers, people who are ignited and on fire to live for something more than “as is.” I want to find people on fire with possibility…how about you? I can’t live in the emotional maelstrom of boundaries and guarded feelings…it shouldn’t be that hard to care about someone.
Emotional pain has the tendency to rob people of hope, causing an individual to evaluate circumstances in life through a skewed lens. The options that we offer ourselves through the idea of pain are limiting: it’s difficult to imagine that you are capable of bringing “it” to the world when you are laying on the floor in a heap of goo. Once the main part of the tears has been cried, and the initial shock of your game state has worn from mania to shell-shocked understanding, there is a type of peace that comes over you.
So what can you imagine in your life? The things that are impossible are what you’re not capable of imagining…really. It’s amazing to me what people can accomplish if you’re able to simply dream; envision the unreal, to know that there is more to this life than what you see and what you know. Possibilities are amazing when they are allowed to bloom and grow, when they have a place to root deeply inside of you and become potential. If you’re engaging with a person or a position that drains the life from you, expect to be…drained. It’s the opportunity cost for choosing, but not mandatory. Set healthy boundaries, be whole within you first and then offer love that is rooted in wholeness. Get engaged with the temple that you live in and become today ~ start now ~ being willing to do what you don’t want to…tomorrow, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what is possible when you invest in yourself now. Choose life.
I can’t encourage you enough to get up today, to dare you to move and face this pain that is chasing you down without fear. It’s not permanent, the rain in your life. You can still cross over the hurdles and make a difference in the world you live in, in the lives around you in the most amazing ways. Don’t be counted out because of a situation, a lost love, a broken heart…even the loss of a brother, sister, friend or parent. Life is so worth living, engaged, full on, authentic. Scream into the wind if you need to but live. Live all out.
Give it up in faith, in grace, in the knowledge that you’re unique, priceless and worthwhile. I don’t care what has come before…this is a new day. Live life in truth, dignity, health and wellness.
Nothing else is worthwhile.