“I want to be like you.”
You’ve seen her. At the grocery and in the department store, she’s the girl that walks by and you notice. On the street, men stop and stare, smile, or glance appreciatively at this woman they do not know. Something about her makes you stop for a moment.
Is she a model? No, she’s not overly beautiful in the classic sense.
Is she famous? No, and you know that you’ve seen her in the same stores you inhabit.
Is she revealing to much in her dress? No, she actually looks great, but nothing “vampy.”
Why do so many people go out of their way to have her notice them?
Answer: she is a woman. Feminine energy is the core component of why your mystery woman seems to hold the attention of the world around her.
Be powerful and confident...without being the man.
One of the true losses in American culture came with the liberation movement. Yes, it’s great that I can be a “ball crushing CEO”; it’s bad that I need to act like a man to be considered competitive. Female energy is unlike that of the male; we are intuitive, feeling based creatures that were born to nurture. Men are the more cerebral, action oriented of the species, built to hunt and protect.
All humans are born with a balance of both female and male energy, plus a natural, non-cognitive set of attraction triggers that encourage the species to mate. Outside of the mating part, there are also triggers that attract people to one another. It goes past physical appearance and manifests as the manner in which you conduct yourself and how you care for yourself. Some females are simply out of touch with their person all together, walking an endless cycle of full time work, motherhood and marriage. Who has time for caring about being a woman?
Answer: You do.
Why? If you feel drained and stressed as a woman, you’re most likely living in your head and ignoring the basic needs of your gender. Women, as they say, are different. Different is good. Feminine energy can be equated to water, a flow that comes from emotion and caring. As you grow from child to woman, your femininity is either encouraged or not; how you live your life today is the best indicator of what you’ve done in the past. Women, like water, can exist in so many different states. They are the mist of the cloud, where one simple eight ounce glass of agua turned to fog can close an entire airport with no visibility. Captured by the the heat of the masculine energy (fire), water becomes transparent and alluring, falling back to the earth like life giving rain. When left out in the cold, feminine energy can grow to ice, no longer pliable and willing. Caught up with her elemental love, water can boil in passion and sensuality, a slow simmer to a full rolling kettle whistle. Women are so capable in their female energy, it makes you wonder why we encourage each other to “act like one of the boys.”
So how does the average girl cultivate feminine energy when most of the PR we see says “vamp?” First, we understand that acting like a tramp just makes you look cheap. There is nothing cheap about a real woman, nothing that is disposable. Regardless of how you perceive your own beauty, start by appreciating your body and taking care of what you’ve been given. Show me a woman that “let herself go” and I will only see a person that suffers from low self esteem and lack of understanding. Feminine energy is beautiful.
A great place to start is the difference in the definition “sensual” and “sexual.” Yes, there is a component of sexiness to the sensual woman; what we’re referring to in this article is the concept of the sensual nature. This comprises the senses of touch, smell, sight and sound. It’s the reflection of the world’s beauty back into the self, a projection of your own love and soul without shame. Sensual is the feel of silk against skin; the appreciation of art because it stirs you; the softness of a gentle breeze. It degrades sensuality when you think of it only in terms of the act of sex. Sensuality is so much more, a deep connection the the energy of the universe all around.
1. Be Confident. Ask yourself a blunt question. Are you afraid of being a girl? Does being a woman mean something significant to you? Every moment that I am aware of myself as a person, I am aware of my feminine nature. It’s in how I walk, the way I style my hair, and the knowledge that I am myself. It’s a little unnerving for the uninitiated, but the first time you hold your head high and walk across a crowded room as yourself, you’ll notice that the heads will turn. People are drawn to authentic confidence. What is it that you have confidence in? A great smile, a feature or physical asset? Are you confident on your own, or clingy and needy? Are you proud of yourself? Do you know that you’re impressive without cleavage? I recently went to a restaurant with a friend on what we called “an immersion experience.” He needed to learn to how to act around a “girly girl” as he calls me, and I was having a lousy day. It was the running joke throughout a late lunch how many times he found other men looking at his “date.” Yes, he’s learning to deal with feminine energy these days, but it’s something that I already knew. People respond to a quiet confidence with their own desire to be confident. Are you acting like someone you wish that you knew? This is the first step in discovering the sensual nature of being woman.
2. Posture Counts. The human animal looks for specific things in a mate. Poor posture, narrow hips or a lack of natural presence are all taboo to the human mating instinct. Your mother was right – standing up straight really does matter. Watch the crowd of people walking from any department store or grocery. Do you see how some people look out at the world and others at their feet? Who is smiling, and who looks like they’ve just bitten into a rotten lemon? Are they carrying themselves with shoulders back and an air of confidence? Check yourself in the mirror and become aware. What does your posture say to the world?
3. Love Your Body. We have an epidemic of self hatred in the present culture, echoes of “too fat” or some other taunt that keeps us from looking in the mirror. Love the body that you are in. Take care of it. Give it a balanced diet, plenty of clean water, no chemicals that you can avoid and lots of fresh air. I invest great time in myself, and the payback is seen in my home, my husband and my children. I love to soak in the warmth of a bath filled with rose petals and fragrance, to give my skin the lotion and nutrients that it needs. Do you take time for yourself to allow your soul to replenish your female energy? How do you connect with the woman deep inside yourself, to feel the whole of your body? Here is a great self awareness body exercise. In the privacy of your own shower, turn slowly through the water with your eyes closed. Feel it touch each part of your skin. Using a fragrant soap on loofah or pom, be very aware of your self as you wash, noticing what parts of you are more responsive to touch. (Those are great places to mention to your love.) Breathe in deeply and relax. Can you look in the mirror sans the mask of clothing that we wear and appreciate your form? Yes, that carries over into the passion of your relationship, and your willingness to explore your sexuality with your mate in healthy, adventurous ways. What is better than loving one another with passion and grace? Love who you are, inside and out.
4. Be The Woman. It’s a mistake to believe that a girly girl is an idiot. Loving the mani-pedi and DSW just makes us fashionable, not ignorant. Being a woman also requires that you engage your intellect with your presence. Know what it is to be yourself and have interest that nourish your mind and heart. I love my Blondie highlights, all 150 pairs of shoes in my clothes room – and NASCAR. I kick box to work out, and adore both New Age contemporary classical and Linkin Park. Yes, I am a dress wearing, high heeled woman…with a 3.8 GPA in her graduate studies who loves to zip line. I am not a mental lightweight no matter how much pink I might have on, but that is all part of being a woman.
Women with well cultivated feminine energy are self confident to the point that they have a serious interest in being the woman that one man desires. She is not only feminine, but confident in it, capable within herself. It’s not the man that makes the woman feel complete; it’s giving into a relationship that thrives and grows on the sensual nature of shared life. My energy encourages him every day to go out and be the best “him” that he can be.
Men respond to female energy with their own needs as part of the human race. Male energy competes, and like the element of fire, it’s driven by the need to breathe. Masculine energy is related to the rush of adrenaline, where females are more about endorphins. Does that state of comfortable grace register with you? Try on your different ideas of being a woman, and what that means to you. Remember, vamp isn’t for the everyday girl. Anyone can show to much skin, and it’s not the energy that you’re looking for. Can you feel the energy of being a woman well up in your midsection and rise to meet your smile?
It’s the subtle differences of energy that make a woman feel confident in who she is. That confidence spills over into the “real world” of your relationships, too. I love to see his eyes light up when he looks at me in appreciation of how I dress or care for myself; I love to know that the idea of my kick boxing session really arouses his male energy. I love that he knows I have no interest in being “the man.” I am only interested in his being my man. Is that a little old fashioned? You bet. Do I take great pleasure in knowing that he ‘s really into my being 100% woman? With every intense cell of my person, yes. Again….it reflects in everything that I do, from keeping a house that anyone would call beautiful (this woman decorates) to cooking authentic meals and having something interesting to say. Granted, men overall prefer that holistic part of our nature that is more like the calm sea than the raging storm. It’s in knowing that you’re both that the mystery lay for that special person in your life.
5. Take time to nature and nurture. Women are built with an affinity to nature, all different sorts of climates and states. I am forest and emerald green mountains, quiet lakes and the beauty of the sun. Some women prefer the mist of clouds and rain. Take time to get in touch with your quiet side and appreciate nature all around you. Nurture your soul with new experiences, from the feel of a new cloth type against your skin to the sound of a different song. Nourish your soul with meditation and deep faith that doesn’t come from a person but from a connection. Never settle for a life of makeshift happiness. It’s when you’ve compromised your own feminine energy to keep status quo that you’ve truly lost so much of what makes us unique.
The next time that you wake up in the morning, take the time and care to make yourself “beautiful” in your own eyes. It’s not a face full of make up or even a special outfit, but the knowledge that you could step outside any time and any place, holding your head high. How you look in front of your family ~ most specifically, your mate ~ should be naturally so much more important to you than the perception of strangers. It’s my honor to always be that woman that he’s proud to be seen with. It’s the most amazing feeling to know that when we walk into a restaurant, he’ll be the first person to sit by my side, not with four feet of table between us. He has a reason to believe that I love him, always him and only him – it shows in everything I do. You start that life long journey by loving yourself.
Are you worth it? Yes.
After all …. men loving the woman in us is the driving force behind success, passion and desire. You’re the reason that he’s doing all this guy stuff anyway. 🙂
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