a·fraid/əˈfrād/
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When you’re standing on the brink of a whole new adventure, a few thoughts might collide in your head. Thoughts like “what the hell am I doing?” and “Wow, this is neat.” This day reminds me of a zipline tour that my sis and I took with niece Ashleigh, on in which you are standing on the edge of a bluff – and you run toward the rapidly descending forest for all you’re worth, then jump. That’s right, you run your butt right off a cliff so that the work you’ve done (the guide lines holding you) has a chance to pick up your life and soar it through the air.
My cliff comes Tuesday, when we new “hot authors of 2012” take the stage in NYC for my first book signing event. Doing the math on books my publisher has provided to sign for the buyers and media present, given that I have an hour to complete my task, I have to sign a book every fifteen seconds. Granted, I don’t have to sign all them ~ just for those folks in line. Wonder if there will be anyone in line? Wonder why anyone would stand in line to have me sign a book? Wonder why I have all these questions racing through my aching head? Wonder if I am ever going to sleep again?
When my mind goes into intensity overdrive, I corral myself back to reality by remembering “I am a unique and special individual, a designers original.” I don’t like it when stress or anxiety ratchets up there….of course, there is the knowledge that stress is present to make you preform. Enough already, I have preformed to max standards, I say. Still, the stress persists. So how to let it go. Back to that “remembering” who I am. Put the stress down through reminding yourself what is really important to you, and seeing your situation as part of a larger whole…not the end of the world. Here are a collection of some words I use to redirect my thought life….
“Traveling is not just seeing the new; it is also leaving behind. Not just opening doors; also closing them behind you, never to return. But the place you have left forever is always there for you to see whenever you shut your eyes.”
Jan Myrdal
I find that in my excitement, I forget that other people in my life are just as effected as I am by the same events. It’s important not to get so wrapped up in how you feel that it overrides how others are experiencing life with you. Questions for in the “now…”
Are the people in my life happy? How am I contributing or detracting from that? What are my goals, and have I expressed them clearly? What about the goals of my family or loved ones? Am I supporting them in my time of stress, as I want them to support me?
“Every person has the power to make others happy.
Some do it simply by entering a room — others by leaving the room.
Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy.
Some leave trails of hate and bitterness;
others, trails of love and harmony.
Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism;
others trails of faith and optimism.
Some leave trails of criticism and resignation;
others trails of gratitude and hope.
What kind of trails do you leave?”
~William Artur Ward
I love how everything in life is somehow connected, that seven degrees of separation bringing all of us closer together, but somehow keeping up all apart.
It’s the tiny step all of us take toward the infinite final universe…one destination with so very many roads.
The road that you chose…even the one that remains were you are…comprise your life.
‘“Everything you want in life has a price connected to it.
There’s a price to pay if you want to make things better,
a price to pay just for leaving things as they are,
a price for everything.”
Harry Browne
I’m so grateful that as I walk this road, I don’t have to go it alone. There is an expanse of people, my community, family, friends and loved ones all who have stepped through the mud and rain of life, who have encouraged through tears and mania while writing, who scarificed their own time and talent to make my dream – our dream – into a reality. It’s comforting to watch us all play the parts that make things turn. The daughter who keeps the guinea pig and freely gives love and smile, proof reads and encourages, the one that bounces and is planning to be “Just Like Mommy” and the one that keeps me on track – they’re all the reason that I’m going to NYC. The friends that read, the sister who edits with me for hours on end, the husband that negotiates contracts and sets up international publication rights, deals with distributors and publishers….they’re all the ink in the pen that writes the books I love. My reason. There are no words to express how grateful I am for all the craziness I’ve known in life, or how intensely sweet it is to be here, whole happy and well after such a season of emotional pain.
Now that I’ve thought about it, I guess that I’m not so scared to go climb behind that signing booth and be Alison-the-writer. I am, but doing it in anticipation seems much more gratifying and honest. Thanks for taking the journey with me. We’re going to post video blogs and other conference news at www.soultheifsaga.com – I’m not sure where the forum is, but we’re testing a video today, so check it out~you can sign up to comment on the forum as well.
“When the pain of leaving behind what we know
outweighs the pain of embracing it,
or when the power we face
is overwhelming and neither
flight nor fight will save us,
there may be salvation in sitting still.
And if salvation is impossible,
then at least before perishing
we may gain a clearer vision
of where we are. By sitting still
I do not mean the paralysis of dread,
like that of a rabbit frozen beneath the dive of a hawk.
I mean something like reverence, a respectful waiting,
a deep attentiveness to forces much greater than our own.”
― Scott Russell Sanders
Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. 
Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you,
but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the
situation you’re presented with and moving on.
No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation,
you can always do something.
You always have a choice and the choice can be power.
“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that?” Unknown
